Hot Flashes, Menopause, and Menus as Fans

Midlife is wild — and sweaty.

Back in December, I went to see one of my all-time favorite artists, Maysa, perform live in. If you know, you know — that woman is phenomenal and absolutely keeps it real about midlife.

But before the first note even played, I found myself sweating through a whole different kind of performance: a shared hot flash moment with two strangers — one a retired GYN nurse and the other a fellow midlife soul like me.

The woman across from me froze mid-sentence as sweat bubbled above her lip. The nurse beside me calmly adjusted her neckline like a hormonal Jedi. And me? I was sitting there feeling my freshly straightened hair slowly coil into a half-curly, half-frazzled mess at the scalp.

Menus?

Serving dual purposes: order food, catch a breeze, and hold onto your last shred of dignity.

Flash Bonding Is Real

This wasn’t just a moment — it was a midlife bonding ceremony.

We weren’t just women at a concert. We were warriors in a simultaneous hormonal uprising.

As we joked about the warm room and talked about our individual stages in the change, the retired nurse casually asked if I had my ovaries removed during my hysterectomy (nope), then dropped the ovarian cancer bomb, calling it the “silent killer.”

Ma’am… I came here for smooth jazz, not a medical anxiety spiral.

There I was, trying to enjoy a concert, while silently stressing over my uterus, sweating bullets, and wondering why this season of life comes with so many plot twists.

I truly thought I’d be done with “female stuff.”

Spoiler: you’re never really done.

My First Flash: A Personal Hell, Not a Vacation

I remember when I got my first hot flash.

I called both my mom and mother-in-law, panicked. Was I feverish? Dying? Or just entering the gates of hormonal hell?

Some people call it a “personal summer” or compare it to a “tropical vacation.”

I disagree. Strongly.

It felt like I was doing the salsa with the devil in the bowels of Hades.

And when the breeze finally hit me? It was like surviving a boss level on Mortal Kombat.

No vacation vibes. Zero beach.

Just Satan, sweat, and regret.

Let’s Talk Natural Relief (Because I’ve Tried It All)

Now, I’m no doctor — just a sweaty sister in solidarity.

But I have researched natural ways to cool the hormonal inferno, and here’s what I’ve learned (and tested):

Natural Remedies That Actually Help Some Women:

• Estroven (my go-to): Over-the-counter, plant-based supplement. Helps take the edge off.

• Black cohosh: An herbal remedy often used for menopausal symptoms. Mixed reviews, but worth researching.

• Evening primrose oil: May help balance hormones and reduce severity of flashes.

• Soy/isoflavones: Plant-based estrogen-like compounds — some swear by them.

• Flaxseed: Ground flax may support hormone balance.

• Stay hydrated: Water = cooling from the inside out.

• Dress in layers: Scarves and cardigans are now strategic defense mechanisms.

• Cool the bedroom: Fans, cooling pillows, and breathable sheets can make or break your night.

Things That Trigger My Flashes (a.k.a. Salsa Summons):

• Wine — Every. Single. Time.

• Sugar — More than a little seems to provoke night sweats.

• Spicy food — Yes, the irony.

• Stress — Meditation helps. So does yelling into a pillow.

If you find something that works for you? Cherish it like it’s the Holy Grail.

Because when you find the key to NOT sweating through your clothes at a concert, that’s sacred knowledge.

Hot Flash Humor (Because If We Don’t Laugh… We’ll Overheat)

Have you ever watched a toddler mid-poop?

You know that pause — the full-body freeze where they stop mid-play, their face changes, and they get that distant look?

That’s a hot flash.

One minute you’re talking, laughing, vibing…

The next, you’re frozen.

Lip sweating. Eyes darting.

Brain short-circuited.

Hot flashes are sneaky takeovers.

I can laugh now — mostly because I’m not flashing right now — but when it hits, it’s like your body got hacked by the devil himself.

And yes, I call it the devil — or Lucifer, depending on the day.

If that’s too spicy for you, I respect it. But I call it how I feel it.

How Long Does This Hormonal Madness Last?

According to Mayo Clinic and other studies:

• Menopause symptoms can start in your 40s (or earlier)

• Hot flashes can last an average of 7–10 years

• Some women deal with them into their 60s

• The average age for menopause in the U.S. is 51

So yeah… I’ve got a few more years of dancing the salsa in hell before the music fades.

Final Thought: You’re Not Alone, You’re Just Overheated

If you’re out here flash bonding with strangers in restaurants, sweating through silk blouses, or googling “how to survive menopause without setting fire to your reputation” — you’re in good company.

This season is wild, unpredictable, and sweaty.

But it’s also strangely sacred.

It connects us.

It humbles us.

And sometimes? It gives us a reason to laugh mid-hot flash meltdown.

So carry a fan. Pack a sense of humor.

And remember: You are still blooming — even while melting.

With love + light + a little sass,

~April

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